Parenting Survival Tips

Paying Your Teenagers Not To Drive?

Hi Parents,

I attended a fundraiser banquet recently and I met a couple sitting next to me and we started talking about our children and realized we both had 2 boys. Their boys are both teenagers, 14 & 16. They told me their children are very well behaved and at the top of their class in school, but they were still concerned about the safety of their children behind the wheel of a car. They said their 16 year old does not have his drivers license yet and they put him on an incentive plan and they pay him $100 every month that he does not drive. They know the statistics on how many children drink and drive and lose their life and they said so far their incentive program is working. Their son is motivated to take the cash and right now has no desire to learn to drive.

They also said they have a no questions asked cab fare program and they will cover any cab fares at any time encouraging their sons not to get into a car with friends that may have been drinking.

Is this taking it to far and hindering the natural growth and development of children or is this a smart parenting approach that other parents should adopt?

If you have teenagers, I would love to hear your stories about allowing your children to drive or other programs you may have in place to encourage safe teen driving.

I still have 6 years until I have to worry about this issue so I would love to hear your stories so that I can be prepared for this monumental milestone in a child's life.

Thanks,

Julie
aka: Caring Mom

 

Homework vs. Competitive Game Commitments?

Hi Parents,

There was a little controversial debate going on in our community this past weekend and I would love to get other parent's insights on this topic.

My older son is on a competitive soccer team in which all the kids were hand selected to be one of the twelve on this team. Last weekend we had an out of town soccer tournament (2 hours away) with 2 games on Saturday and depending on how well they performed, more games on Sunday.

Our team was doing well and had an opportunity depending on how the first game on Sunday went to be in the play-offs on Sunday afternoon. One parent took her son home on Saturday night after the games and then Sunday morning decided not to bring her son back for the Sunday games because he did not finish all of his homework on Saturday night after they got home.

Questions the parents debated were:

1. Did this parent's decision cost the team the opportunity to be in the play-offs and is that fair to the rest of the team members?

2. Is homework more important that teaching our children commitment and responsibility when they sign up for a team sport?

3. Do you have other ideas on how to find a compromise so that a child can get their homework done and still support their team commitments?

I would love to hear your parenting thoughts on this never-ending age old debate of homework vs. team commitments.

Julie
aka: Soccer Mom

aka:

 

Is CBS take it too far with our children on Kid Nation?

Hi Parents,

Did you hear about CBS's new TV reality show, Kid Nation? 

Unbelievable!

40 sets of parents signed a 22-page contract, virtually absolving producers from any responsibility for the children's well-being while they allow their very young children, ages 8-14, to go off for 40 days to run a town without any supervision.

Check it out at: Kid Nation Review

Is it only me, or is this irresponsible parenting to sell your child in exchange for fame?

There have been numerous reports of accidents and the children have to put in 14-hour days in front of the cameras. I have heard stories of kids falling out of buildings and 2-3 children drinking bleach - luckily they survived, but at what cost? How can this be legal?

Kim Talman, from the National Association to Protect Children, said: "Child labour laws were pretty lax in New Mexico, it's the reason they went there.

"In California and New York they never would have gotten away with something like this but the way they're skirting that issue is saying that the children were not actually employed."

There have been calls for the show to be dropped and some advertisers are keeping their distance, but CBS remains unfazed.

I would love to hear your comments on the parents that are allowing their children to participate and your views on CBS. 

Should CBS drop the show?
Would you allow your children to participate and at what age and what price?

Julie
aka: Concerned Mom

Why Are Boys Different?

Hi Moms,

Ok - I attended a parenting class entitled "Raising Boys" and being a mom of 2 young boys, I found this educational and would love to hear from you if you have boys:

• Aggressiveness is ok, but violence is not acceptable.
• Males pull away during tragedy and women become nurturing.
• Male brains cannot multi-task; women's brains are more flexible and adaptable.
• Males have 20x more testosterone that females
• Boys even dream aggressively with fighting, chasing, etc. (is that because of the design of their brain or is it because we allow them to watch/play that way?)
• Boys possess less of the seratonine chemical which allows one to become calm
• Males dominate in the drug/alcohol abuse, teret syndrome, and autism diseases

According to this expert, boys need nurturing, discipline, and structure more than girls. She also insists that you can't praise your child too much because society will hurt and knock them down enough so they need the home environment to raise them up.

She also preaches that right from wrong is learned in the home and by age 5 it is almost too late! Give them choices and every house should have 5 golden rules.

Top 5 rules in our home:

1) No hitting, kicking, touching or hurting another person
2) Respect everyone, but especially your parents - never talk back
3) Always tell the truth
4) Everyone that lives in the home, must help to keep the home nice - weekly chores and taking care of your things are for everyone!
5) Manners count - the only way to get what you want is by using manners - please and thank you go along way in our home! :-)

What are the top 5 rules in your home? I would love your comments!

Until next time...

Julie
aka: Mom

Are You Raising Responsible Children?

Hi Parents,

I was raised in a traditional home in the Midwest, so it seems so natural to me that Saturday mornings are designated as "chore days", (maybe because in the Midwest it is cold and gray six months out of the year so no one seems to mind doing the chores?). Every Saturday every member of the family had a list of chores to complete before they could do their own thing and it was just the way of life, but I believe being raised in this structure has helped me to be more organized, disciplined and successful in the workplace today. 

The more I talk to other parents these days, I am amazed at how many parents do not give their children the responsibility of regular chores. Do you?

I have heard replies such as "Well they are just too young what could they possibly do?", or "I ask them to help but then they end up finding something else to do", or my personal favorite "Why ask them to do chores if I am just going to have to spend my time to go behind them and do the same chore over again to get it done right?".

I am sure these are valid concerns, but I will counter the argument that it is the parent's responsibility to raise responsible children, and I believe by the age of 2 all kids should begin to be accountable for regular chores.  Even if it is a small task it is teaching your child that being in a family and living in a home is a group responsibility and everyone needs to pitch in and help out to maintain the home.  I also believe it is a good idea to separate regular chores (responsibilities for being a member of the family) from the extra chores that can be tied to a weekly allowance.  By giving your child an allowance you are teaching them to manage their finances and allowing them to make discretionary spending choices with their own money when they really want that cool new toy and it is not their birthday.  If you are consistent in this practice, not only will you contribute to raising responsible children, but you will begin to see great pride in your children when they successfully accomplish a task!

Remember - it does not have to be done perfectly - this is a parental exercise for raising responsible children and it is not about having a squeaky clean house!  Here are 30 quick suggested chores for kids - why not pick two or three that are appropriate for your child's age and get started this week?

Sample Chores for Children:

1. pick up toys
2. make bed
3. set table for dinner
4. clean up the table after dinner
5. wash dishes
6. dust
7. feed the pet
8. brush/walk - take care of a pet
9. get the mail everyday from the mailbox
10. take out the garbage
11. fold clothes
12. wash the car
13. sweep out the garage
14. pick vegetables in the garden
15. organize the books on the bookshelf - by size or alphabetically
16. vacuum
17. water plants
18. if they are young - line up their plastic bath toys with 2 tubs and ask them to help you wash the toys
19. roll their coins so they are ready to take to the bank
20. help plan and write down the meals for the coming week
21. wipe down the kitchen cabinets or counters
22. if they are old enough - mow the yard
23. My six year old's favorite - identify and put batteries in the flashlights or toys that have dead batteries! - Yes - a future engineer I do believe! :-)
24. organize a closet or drawer
25. collect all of the towels in the house into one basket for someone to wash
26. organize the DVD/movie or games
27. again for the little ones - have them find every ball in the house or garage and put them into 1 bucket or basket
28. clean their bedroom
29. put the stamps on your bills/letters that are ready to go out or write the return address on each envelope
30. help prepare a meal or help to prepare the grocery list

I would love to hear from you if you have other chores that your kids are doing today!

Good luck and know that your effort is worth the reward!

Julie
aka: Mom